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For in person on line & face to face  Counselling.

Rod McClure JP & Carol Stuart

"Love never hurts......
It's in the wanting to be loved,
Wherein lies our pain."

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow,
As the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man".
William Shakespeare.

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Burning Child  Alex Milov
Ukrainian artist Alexander Milov delighted Burning Man's festival-goers with a piece
that allowed them to reconnect with their inner child.

Tabula Rasa:
In Western philosophy, the concept of tabula rasa can be traced back to the writings of Aristotle who writes in his treatise (De Anima or On the Soul) of the "unscribed tablet." In one of the more well-known passages of this treatise he writes that:

"Have not we already disposed of the difficulty about interaction involving a common element, when we said that mind is in a sense potentially whatever is thinkable, though actually it is nothing until it has thought? 

What it thinks must be in it just as characters may be said to be on a writing-tablet on which as yet nothing stands written: 
this is exactly what happens with mind."

Most of us are raised to believe we are right as in correct due to the experience that life has lead us to believe. 
We learn of pleasant tastes and offensive smells from experience.

We learn language of our environment and with language comes "accents of nationality".

And from our born environment also comes "accents of behaviour".

When such imprinted attitudes and EGOTISTICAL beliefs of the elder are challenged our "inner child" feels threatened. Interpreting this Sense as danger & possible loss of control our EGO attempts to defend against further wounding. 

This resistance can and does cause conflict and arguments.

The most important and critical matter for all of us is to learn to identify the triggered sensational experience in ourselves. Learning to sense this feeling and react appropriately is the key to successful mature relationship.

This sensation can and too often does trigger our Ego's learned behaviour to DEFEND its place of considered authority because we, through the habitual indoctrination of our EGO, believe we need to protect ourselves from being HURT, neglected, or in some manner shape or form be maltreated, so we defend to stop the recurrence of such pain.

We have absolutely no intension of deliberately hurting anyone, if we should do so unintentionally please bring this to our attention immediately, because it is certainly not done deliberately.

Takes two to Tango
Please remember there are always thousands if not millions of "parts of us", in each individual  that may turn up in relationship and it is fair and reasonable for each individual to recognise their part to behave in a loving appreciative manner.

Of course in all this it is expected and ok that we all do have our own established boundaries where we are entitled to set our limits to a reasonable degree of tolerance.

Further more we should also accept and appreciate that others also have boundaries which should be understood and appreciated by us.

So as we say.

HELP EVER HURT NEVER is a wonderful motto to strive to achieve.

Childs advice to parents:
With this later addition to this post we include this remarkable video of a 6 year old girl expressing her heart felt desires for here parents to be friends, and if they can be friends everyone can be happy and there will be no Monsters.

In closing here are those few wonderful words on relationship by therapist Virginia Satir.

I want to love you without clutching
Appreciate you without judging

Join you without invading
Invite you without demanding
Leave you without guilt
Evaluate you without blaming
And help you without insulting
If I can have the same from you
Then we can truly meet
And enrich each other

More on this Inner child and the adult at:

Learning About High Functing Aspergers

During a Counselling session the words "We are all symbolic tuning forks" came from my mouth. I was rather amazed at this unprepared statement.
"Yes identical to tuning forks", I repeated after a pause.

I really don't know where that unprepared flash of imagination flew from. However it is quite an apt metaphor to explain and demonstrate ingrained, unconscious & often dysfunctional, conditioned behaviour, so maybe I should  say thanks to the creator of my, at times, rather vivid imagination.

During our life time we have all been emotionally hurt, damaged, wounded in some way, shape, manner or form, from a multitude of situations since the moment of our conception.

See this demonstration of Energetic transference of TUNING FORKS.
A positive parallel to inter relational communication or more the point.
Defensive self protective Emotional radiation.

Our psyche is irrefutably, naturally brilliant and adaptive to "take note" of and record that first hurt feeling.

So forever more when ever there is an unwelcome, emotional sensation experienced the signal instantly runs though the "cables" of our Central Nervous System back to where that first wound is anchored.

Possibly held and filed within every moment of our DNA through out the body with a cognitive library reference deep in our Reward Centre at the Hypothalamus.
For those who are familiar with the IceBerg theory where just 5% of us is conscious, the part above the water, whilst our unconscious self makes up 95% of the Iceberg 

So we may cry at the directors portray of a sad moment in a movie when the screen observation may contact some unconscious memory of retained sadness from a childhood moment of experience.

Similarly when a therapists recognises some indicator of sadness or emotional distress and therapeutically allows the client time to bring that energy forward for release we may cry.

Comforting the reward centre.

So as with the tuning forks when ever our psyche picks up any sense of vibrating threat we instantly reference the feeling back to our 'Being" to ensure our safety.

Baby Dont Herd Me n
In recent times several clients have expressed their reluctance & hesitancy
to attend Counsellors for fear of possible reprisal from work place Management
or fellow associates.
Unfortunately in today's workplace it has become intimidating
for many people struggling to make their way financially to disclose that they need help.

Often demands, attitude and expectation of some unethical and "hard nosed"
employers do use rather unfair demands or "Cut Throat" & threatening tactics to
achieve performance.
Success today is driven and based purely upon economic, materialistic performance in the ever competitive contracting race for survival.
Ethical practice has essentially gone bye the bye. Manpower has been reduced to a numeric digital factor.
Cold Binary computed language of Off or On. Yes or no.
Restructures, reorganisation, take overs, redundancy, work performance criticism, critical reviews, market competition.
Examples of such were well exposed in 2016 by media of Four Corners & SMH Journalists.
The federal government is supposedly watching this unscrupulous behaviour with a
high level investigation known as Taskforce Cadena.

There is also the Fair Work Commission.

Of course there are many other unscrupulous employers who remain at large.
As was exposed by the ABC with the itinerant seasonal workers from Fiji who were
unfairly treated and definitely misled by deliberate devious tactics left in the finer
details of their contract which were not brought to their attention.


Learning that real sense of "Loving Thy self".

Dealing with the "endless aching need", that left over endless aggravation often spoke of as being "bored".

In allowing the feeling to be present, and actually sitting with "IT" we gradually teach our self to accept the sensation as a wonderful part of our psyche, rather than avoiding it, as we have previously done with Porn, alcohol, drugs, gambling, sport, TV, X-box, food or shopping, and even born again "happy clapping".
On Line Dating.
Especially identified with modern day On-line Dating sites or the "Meat Market" as was expressed to me recently by a Supervisee who is finding she is dealing with clients expressing elevated anxiety, through to destroyed self esteem & abuse.

Avoidant behaviour
In this way we are able to progressively let "IT"  PASS without the need for any avoidance distracting intervention. (Compulsive avoidance)

Self aware Emotional Training:
nappy changing chantsIn closing we remind readers that our parents had a vested interest in getting us out of baby nappies so they took time to train us to recognise the sensations of our bowel & bladder so that we could attend to those respective essential needs as they arouse.

Unfortunately in most cases today parents have been too busy, preoccupied, unaware or incapable of training their children to recognise and appropriately deal with emotional sensations.
So too many adolescents are gaining their sex information from dangerous mind eroding vile abusive pornography.

Mother to Daughter, Father to Son; (See Pathways here)

Further more the healthy loving respectful conversation about sex and intercourse does not happen in the modern family.
Adolescents are notorious in not wanting to listen to parents, especially when it involves the sensitivity of "Too Much Information".
So parents find it too difficult to broach the topic and in many cases do not have the ability or confidence to speak about such sensitive previously denied restricted behaviours. 

No need for  'Young Bull Old Bull locking of Horns".

Having these discussions facilitated by an experienced adult Counsellor is one way to assist, another is to participate in the Pathways foundation program.
Pathways is a wonderful organisation with specifically designed interactive programs established to address this essential need as boys become young men, and separate events where daughters become young women.

As noted there is also a Pathways program for Women, to assist Mothers and daughters to manage this critical transition period where too many adolescents become divided & separated from their parental mentors and be too easily led into erratic physical and potentially damaging behaviours in some "stuff you Old Boy or Old Girl" from a  wayward enthusiastic sense of challenging perceived criticism of "never being good enough", that basic rejection or perceived lack of trust by over protective, loving parents.

Here we restate that often quoted reality that virtually all professions of life require a degree of qualifications from specific training, unfortunately this does not apply to producing children.
Too many of us do not have the essential skills necessary to be perfect parents therefore many of us unwittingly pass on the sins of earlier generations believing that we know what is right.
Certainly this mind set is not always the case, fortunately times are changing around us by the minute.
As challenging as these circumstances maybe parents need to do their very best to change with the times, with their children to prevent the inevitable dislocation.

We need more Dad's to take their sons camping and to learn to have the conversation around an open fire or whilst they bait their hooks sitting on river bank fishing for each others love and respect.

When it comes to Healthy discussions about Sex this Therapist Dr Marty Klein offers some good advice on this video.

Being able to share and distribute information such as this is why we believe in and passionately promote our 777 Counselling service.
For help or just an online on question  or further information  Contact us Here.

Neil Diamond from his Melody Album told us that it took him five years to complete this beautiful song

and it was not until he wrote the last line that he finally got "IT".
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Nowra Office; 44 Lyrebird Drive NOWRA. NSW 2541. AUSTRALIA. Phone: 61 0412 777303.
777 Counselling Service