Sexual Expressions of Co-Dependents

babilonRelationship Therapy is often necessary if not essential for many people in society when traumatised individuals unconsciously enter into co- dependent relationships believing that with their partner's contribution to their life they will become whole, by having a partner to lean on.

With that stabilising "loving feeling" temporarily overriding old lonely wounds of emptiness.

But the loving feeling is temporary, never healing old wounds.

After a while we get to realise how we keep falling for some form of addictive patched on band aid for a companion, hoping for the partner to act as some "inner mummy" to kiss the pain better.

Again & again & again, it shall return in endless cycles of joy and sorrow, until we actually get to deal with the underlying trauma deep within the psyches furnace.

Unfortunately for many couples, this has never been the case and provides a possible explanation to why so many cohabiting couples feel their "relationship" has failed ultimately leading to moments of doubt, trust issues, anger, indiscretions of fidelity, progressing onto divorce, separating, shattering families and propagating future generations of wounded souls to toddle off to endlessly repeat and transfer the futile exercise as if this is some form of hereditary disease.

Our conditioning or the perceived path of life adopted through our family of origin or child hood influence-rs generally leaves individuals as living forms of these cloned moulds.

Often with severe consequences for the real character who has been unwittingly psychologically trapped by the stained waters of the tutor.

After his wild military life of war, women, wine and song as a Spanish conquistador St Ignatius Loyola the founder of the Jesuit order is supposedly quoted saying:
"Give me a boy till the age of seven and I will cut you the man" as he made his way back from his debaucherious, selfish, immoral, puerile ways to become a man of learning, humility, some dignity and character.

So it also comes to be when boys and girls mature to become men and women in relationship the two individuals must become aware of and responsible for their own feelings and consequent behaviour as they learn to recognise, understand, release  and  â€˜kiss their own pain" when they are hurt, humiliated or wounded by a fall of their ego or pride.

Inner Child

Pain is natures warning of physical or emotional discomfort.

Adults becoming angry, effectively turning their back on each other and throwing a "wammy" is simply not acceptable, learned behaviour which is activated by EGO's inability to cope with emotional or physical pain. 

We are not our EGO.
We are the LIFE that commenced within us at the instant of conception, from where and when we grew our entire body.

We need to develop greater awareness to the emotions which underscore such out of control, unacceptable "defensive" outbursts from the EGO.
This is the the reason for & process of relationship therapy. "Know thy self". 

Counselling is actually a processes of self discovery,  getting to know who we are.

We can change ourself, learn to understand and appreciate our own emotions.
It is not our duty to change our partner, that is their own responsibility.

Relationship with self.

Once the individual becomes aware of these "neural, automatic nuclear reactions" they become progressively more self aware and able to avoid the 'personal contamination' of self disgust and disappointment which always leaves one feeling so dejected, lingering on in the toxic relief of energetic  shame, and self humiliating embarrassment for having "lost the plot" yet again.

After a few episodes, and like the walls of Babylon an impregnable barrier of caution rises between the couple and their EGO locks each other out to avoid further contact with their own unresolved toxic pain walling up as a division of self protection from any more pain.

The wonderful therapist Virginia Satir encapsulated the necessary state for a pure relationship when she wrote:

satir_2I want to love you without clutching

Appreciate you without judging

Join you without invading

Invite you without demanding

Leave you without guilt

Evaluate you without blaming

And help you without insulting

If I can have the same from you

Then we can truly meet

And enrich each other

This is the intention of our Counselling and Psychotherapy for individuals , couples and families who are experiencing difficulties in relationship.

Please don't hesitate to call and arrange or discuss an appointment before the Walls of Babylon force you and your loved one apart.

Phone 93877355 after hours 0412 777 303 0r email us at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

When life becomes too heavy to carry stop sit on a forest log and  MEDITATE.


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Nowra Office; 44 Lyrebird Drive NOWRA. NSW 2541. AUSTRALIA. Phone: 61 0412 777303.
777 Counselling Service