Written by Rod McClure JP   
Thursday, 23 June 2016 14:29

Or Self Induced Suffocation
Burning Child  Alex Milov

Alex Milov, Burning Man Exhibition.
The sculptor writes.

“It demonstrates a conflict between a man and a woman as well as the outer and inner expression of human nature.
Their inner selves are executed in the form of transparent children, who are holding out their hands through the grating.
As it’s getting dark (night falls) the children start to shine.
This shining is a symbol of purity and sincerity that brings people together and gives a chance of making up when the dark time arrives.”
Attempting to support a client who had emotionally relapsed to a rather dark and heavy place I wrote the following:

Firstly let me say that I am sorry you continiue to experiencing such an exhausting emotional drain. 

Secondly Let me say this is the best thing that could have ever happend. 
You are not experiencing an emotional  Break Down but rather a BREAK THROUGH.

We know there are more definitive words to express your emotional state but that would only gives you a label which you do not need or deserve.

As we found from our time together this previous emotional state began initially after a particular incident which, at the time of our work we  acknowledged, and left "it" be.
We wanted to treat you and the experience carefully and respectfully and left "it" for possible mindful processing in your own time as this was obviously not the time to further empower and reinforce that inner "psychological protecting" defender.

So for that time being, we left well alone and respected your desire not to delve into any of that earlier experience, ........we knew your time for doing so was not quite ready yet. Obviously at that time it would be nothing less than professionally irresponsible, possibly threatening and even violent to your psyche to work differently.

However as we discussed during our time working together, the "fruits of your system" (those in borne, debilitating & exhausting toxic load) were quite possibly releases from an accumulation of unresolved and unprocessed energy.
Energy which had been subconsciously "banked into the account" of every cell of your entire body, consequent to repetitive, suppressive "self talk" and criticism. 

Life In the Body:
As so beautifully depicted in Alez Milov's above pictured Love sculpture, our life, our spirit, the child that we are and were born to be, lives in our body.
Yes we are organic alive.
As living species we remain the very life and light within the adult body which too often becomes disassociated by the operations of our minds all protective, clever, dominating, developing Ego.
In so doing our mind teaches us... so we actually learn to forget our SELF.

Comparable to plants: if there is no moisture in the earth the plant wilts, or if the soil is infertile the roots of the plant will not be able to absorbe the essential minerals & nutrients and so the plant will not thrive, no matter how hard the plant tries to combat the organic demand the essential needs remain ungratified.

Within human development this could well be a natural evolutionary reality entiirely within the innate brilliance & capability of our life.

Locking out Nourishment:

Effectively emotionally choking our self.

With the child's intuitive, unquestionably sensitive, self protective, systemic, automatic operation we organically withdraw, taking shelter from all & every sense or perceptions of threat, danger, fear and discomfort to the point of actually becoming so constrained that we restrict and deny the acceptance and consumption of essential loving emotional nourishment.
To the degree of effectively emotionally choking our self, developing a behaviour akin to self inflicted suffocation.

This action once performed, is taken into cellular memory, adopted and becomes habitual and an avoidance behaviour. 

Self initiated denial:

As in cutting off one's nose to spite the face.Cut off Nose

All completely natural consequences which will continue to emotionally starve your system whilst ever our “Organic roots" are left surrounded by some seemingly impregnable protective barrier of negative reinforced consciousness.  

We believe the human psyche is capable of establishing such seemingly "impregnable psychological walls” as an involuntary method of primal survival in vigorous developing adolescents.

Effectively generating a kind of "genetic emotional" mutation.

It is at this place where a change of understanding brings healing and perpetual ongoing release of earlier cellular responsive conditioning.  

This is princilally all in the Survival of the Species process of evolution promoted by Charles Darwin.

When thinking about this particular client I sought further opinions and found amongst many others articles with relation to self infliction in the 
World of Psychology site from where I have plagarised some of the following material.  

Series of reinforcing, emotionally destructive & well known, negative self talk phrases: 

If by chance you find internal repetitive self condemning statements such as these:  


  1.     “I’m not worthy of love".
  2.     "I'll never make it".
  3.     "I'm simply not good enough".
  4.     "It's all too hard".
  5.     "No one cares about me"
  1.     "Nobody of any quality would want me.”
  2.     “Why should I express my opinion? I’m an idiot. I don’t know anything.”
  3.     “Why should I express my needs? I’m just being needy.”
  4.     “Nice one! You opened your mouth and you made a fool out of yourself. Better just keep your mouth shut.”
  5.     “I’m just being a baby. I’m too sensitive. Toughen up.”
  6.     “I have no right to seek out new friends. They won’t like me anyway.”
  7.      “If I spend money on myself, I’m going to anger my partner/mother/father, so I’d better not.”
  8.      “My achievements? Yuck. They’re nothing. They are not impressive at all.”
  9.      “I don’t have the right to dream. Who am I fooling? I’m not going to achieve it anyway.”
  10.      “I’m wrong. I’m usually wrong. I’d better just keep my opinion to myself.”
  11.      “My body is awful. I’m not sexy. Nobody would want me.”
  12.      “I don’t know how it’s my fault but it’s my fault.”
  13.      “I’d better not say anything because I don’t want to insult or offend anyone. Ever.”
  14.      “It’s my fault (the other person) is unhappy.”
  15.      “I’m an idiot. Fatty-McFatso. Dumbbell. Brainless Betty.”
  16.      “I don’t deserve compassion. I brought it on myself. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!”
  17.      “My feelings don’t matter. Only babies are needy like that.”
  18.      “I don’t have the right…”
  19.      “So what if I say I’m stupid or worthless? I am. I’m just being honest.”

The first step to recovery for anyone being emotionally abused is to recognize the patterns and hear the words.

Whether it’s coming from outside or inside, if you’ve been minimizing, denying, or hiding it, this can be a scary and difficult first step.
In many ways it’s easier to spot an external emotional abuser.
Everything is out in the open.

But either way, the anxiety caused will emerge as illness, addiction, or depression.

Can you make the internal changes yourself?


But only if you actually desire the change.

You must be brave enough to recognize your internal abusive patterns and turn negative thoughts to positive ones.

After that, one needs to be willing to see the damage our former avoidance behaviour has  caused to both yourself and the people around you.

Sound easy? It’s not.

Habits take concerted effort to change.

When you emotionally abuse yourself, you feel a very real sense of power.

Your abusive voice, or habits in a sense, hover above and distances themselves by externalizing the perceived weaknesses.

Learning how to accept and deal with your challenges in a realistic way rather than an abusive one, therefore, not only heals, but integrates your scattered parts into one whole.

This prize is worth all the effort you can muster.

One simply must possess the love of self before One can offer or give love to another.

Further reading at:    
Becoming a Brand New Man
Rethinking Infidelity   
Trauma Therapies 

Last Updated on Thursday, 28 February 2019 10:04

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