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In recent years there has been good exposure and discussion about work place harassment and bullying which is certainly unacceptable and disturbing.
In writing this we must say that there are always two sides to any disagreement which generally are based on attitudes of right and wrong conduct where one party feels hurt or offended by the manner in which they are spoken to, spoken of, or spoken about, actually abused or in their mind mistreated.
Too often this alienation of personalities creates an emotional division where the offended individual believes they should resist that which to their belief is unacceptable behaviour.

Such resistance by the offended party is too often met by an increase in expectation by the offender to enforce their self righteous belief. 

Neither party being prepared to surrender their ground and all surrounding and associated employees become distracted by the swirling emotional tension radiating through out the work place.

This leads to further division and even arguments in the work force.


Human beings become the product of their environment, this is how we learn and remember, from the model of the example by which we are raised we simply adopt 'accents of behaviour' as we similarly adopt and hold the accent of our voice from our native language which left our vocal cords fixed in making the sounds which carry across to what ever language we adopt as a second or third language.
Yes we are left with an identifable voice accent.

For example the person born in England who migrate to Australia at say age 20 and lives in Australia for the next 10 or 20 years carries that inflection of the English accent, some may also have a pension for the cooking of their Mother dumplings, or Bread & Butter pudding.

Along with the accent of voice they also carry “accents of behaviour” to be polite, and courteous, and capable of holding a “stiff upper lip” when they are emotionally aggravated, or tested.
Other nationalities never hold back, they may have a tendency to “let their emotions fly” when they become upset or frightened or perceiving any sense danger.
A classic example of this behaviour is to be found in the car drivers who insist on “blowing their horn” at the slightest moment of consideration that they might be hurt by the negligent driver who "wobbled" in the traffic.

Unfortunately in the work place, and in society generally, too often we find these matters being taken to a Supervisor, Manager, Separation, Resignation, Divorce, or to Court,  in the hope that a finding will be taken and their grievance will be upheld and resolved by the “offender” being found guilty and expected to apologise, set compensation and remain on continuing good personable behaviour.
On this matter we all need to identify the grievance WE carry about  "X's". Again a reminder that carring such burden may be considered a form of "emotional constipation".

Scilla Elworthy Anger

Fortunately there are new developments in peace negotiations progressing its way through out the world and is being introduced by a dedicated peace advocate Scilla Elworthy who teaches how to deal with
Force without becoming a Thug.


Merely imprisoning wounded emotions does not work.

In fact too often it reinforces an individual to seek revenge, often through devious underhand behaviour which too often gives rise to the creation of the work place psychopath so wonderfully demonstrated by Dr John Clarke.

In such circumstances the psychopath recognises the amiability of individuals who desire to have open relations with all parties as a form of behaviour to maintain a peaceful association because such individuals despise violence or angry discourse because they have experienced too much of such discomfort in their life to date. To them it is peace at all costs.

So the ever vigilant psychopathic part of the human psyche says do not show weakness.
The result being that TWO HURT PEOPLE protect themselves from further threatening discomfort.

Mention has been made by others that "Hurt people, Hurt people".

In the first instance, rather than appeal the matter with a Supervisor for adjudication, we as individuals need to understand one’s own sensitivities, being able to understand the foundations for and why we feel our personal needs, beliefs and expectations are being threatened.
Then when we understand what is happening for us we become able and in an emotional sufficient mature state to invite the other party in the dispute to explain how they feel their needs are not being addressed and gratified.  Hopefully sensible reasoning will let the discomfort pass once its  foundation is identified.  

Of course both parties have their individual responsibility to demonstrate and behave as adults and not expect the immature undeveloped spoilt child behaviour to continue to rule their lives.
Mind you it may be appreciated that the brilliant child part of us does carry and hold the memory of any inflicted trauma in evey cell of our being.

Everyone wants to survive and most people have been so conditioned by the environment in which they are raised that they grow up with FIXED BELIEFS and attitudes to that which to them is right, wrong, correct, good manners, good behaviour, polite, rude, correct etiquette and an acceptable code of behaviour.

When we recognise that it is in “conditioning” where we have our behavioural attitudes laid down and often repeated and too often aggressively reinforced we tend to hold those RIGID attitudes to what is acceptable.

Help Ever Hurt Never .....a wonderful philosophy to aim to live by.

As is: Do No Harm.

Further explanation at:

Mediating Adult Behaviour.


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