We could describe a successful relationship as one where each partner has her & his important needs fulfilled within that relationship, & in the longer term; a situation wherein both partners would describe the relationship as comfortable, rewarding, fulfilling & non stressful.

Furthermore, it is important that we accept the perceptions & relative values of the persons in a particular relationship, rather than impose other values & standards (social and legal boundaries aside) which may not be acceptable to those persons.

Different age groups, different societies, different cultures, & different people at different times in their lives all place different values on those separate elements which contribute to a relationship.

Although each of us has a different balance or blend between our fundamental need areas, what we can be sure of is that our relationship to be fulfilling and enduring for both partners, there has to be an acceptable & rewarding balance of need gratification which is ratified by either a spoken or unspoken contract.

In the early stages of many relationships (maybe up to 2 or more years) much of the support and equity comes from the physical gratification, but as time goes by the novelty value of this component diminishes & other aspect must grow to take its place.

In the enduring relationship, as the physical contribution diminishes the intellectual & emotional bond grows to fill the void almost as if they have been lying there patiently waiting to develop to fill the void.

However what of the many couples where the chemistry diminishes & there seems to be insufficient or no emotional & intellectual compatibility to lend support.

Can an incomplete relationship endure, if so, is it comfortable & fulfilling for the partners?

Obviously different people find different solutions for the lack of fulfillment & these solutions include persisting in an unfulfilled state, finding gratification outside the relationship & not the least uncommon, getting out of that relationship altogether.
If you recognise this situation in your life & you sense being marooned on the rocks it does not mean that you have to abandon ship, BUT you certainly do need to address the situation immediately & change course.

The wonderful therapist Virginia Satir encapsulated the necessary state for a pure relationship when she wrote:
satir 2
I want to love you without clutching
Appreciate you without judging
Join you without invading
Invite you without demanding
Leave you without guilt
Evaluate you without blaming
And help you without insulting
If I can have the same from you
Then we can truly meet
And enrich each other

At 777Counselling.com we understand the differences of individual needs and are life experienced Relationship Counsellors.

Call 93877355 or email Carol or Rod at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .


Like Us On Facebook

Share with a friend

FacebookTwitterLinkedinRSS FeedPinterest


Nowra Office; 44 Lyrebird Drive NOWRA. NSW 2541. AUSTRALIA. Phone: 61 0412 777303.
777 Counselling Service