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SEXUAL COMPULSION - Compulsive Avoidance
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" I'm bored " we hear.
These souls are effectively afraid, scared by the possible trigger to some old memory of their own feelings, .......so they must avoid them.

What is really happening within the person who needs to be constantly entertained and occupied by any or other above mentioned behaviours ?

Read The Sibling Society

Maybe when they "still their mind" they become aware to that sense of their "endless achining need" about which they have no "inner" standing as opposed to cognitive understanding.
These people are incapable of self contentment, of simply being quiet, stilling their mind and sitting with their "self".
They are effectively afraid, scared by the old memory of their own feelings, so they avoid them.

Avoid them that is, live in denial, until they collapse psychologically with Burn Out, suffer or experience a panic attack or heart attack, a stroke or develop asthma, compounding physical collapse or bankruptcy after destroying family, relationship, and probable divorce.

They simply must get some thing happening to avoid that "endless aching need" which John Bradshaw has opened up as being retained "Toxic Shame".
Ugly stuff that we unwittingly and unknowingly hang onto.

Back to that euphemism where "emotional constipation' sets in, in the body. Stuff we should have let go, let pass, but never knew how to do so.

We all have been toilet trained but too few are trained to understand and live comfortably by dealing reasonably with the experience of emotional sensations.

POSSIBLE CAUSES OF TOXIC SHAME......remaining intoxicated in that painless place.

Fortunately there exists within mankind and all life the propensity to survive by breeding.
This urge is the fundamental and primal driver of living existence.

It appears that the closer or sooner life itself recognises its terminal existence the life seeds.
Wild flowers and "weeds" of the desert are wonderful examples to this brilliance of nature.

Similarly for mankind, when she or he are feels down. Feeling HOPE LESS, put down, missing out, not good enough, unwelcome, left behind, overwhelmed, etc., along with all those recorded and unrecorded impregnators of toxic senses of shame,  the driving urge to propogate is activated before death.

Here follows some of the possible causes and suggestions which we consider may have influenced the unconscious foundation for the unwitting ingestion of such esteem eroding toxic shame, with its inborn scars of guilt, embarrasment, lonliness, apathetic isolation of the "shamed self".

The causes of sexual compulsivity in general are complex and difficult to attribute to one single cause other than its fundamental existence.
Self experienced pleasure from sexual release then momentarily is engaged to compensate the toxic shame. However the mere activity adds to yet further self disgust, shame and withdrawal. So they go deeper into the habitual avoidance, they want to remain intoxicated in that painless place.
What is known is that many who struggle with sexual compulsivity have survived histories of severe family dysfunction and violence, frequently reporting that they were the victims and witnesses of emotional, sexual and physical abuse.

According to the findings of one study, 72% had been physically abused in childhood, 81% had been sexually abused, and 97% emotionally abused. Based on that study, as you might imagine, many sexual victims come from families where their emotional needs were not met.

Other people report that their acting out developed over time (much like alcohol, drug, gambling or other compulsive avoidant behaviours), slowly escalating towards a need for greater sexual novelty and intensity, eventually eclipsing other forms of human interaction.

Relationship Between Sexual Disorder and Other Psychiatric Dilemmas.
Sexual compulsion is hypothesized to be (but is not always) associated with obsessive disorder, Narcissistic personality disorders and Bipolar disoder.

Rampant sexual behaviour may also be related to a biochemical imbalance in the brain. As with other mental disorder, it's known to affect the pleasure and reward pathways of the brain.

Some drugs have also been found to cause hypersexuality. Examples are apomorphine and dopamine replacement therapy.

Sexual compulsivity resembles other avoidance behaviours in that:

Brain chemistry changes are similar.
Comparable family background environment.
Lack of nurturing and other forms of emotional, physical or sexual trauma in childhood.

Whatever the reason behind the sexual compulsion, like gambling the behavior becomes unmanageable and diminishing to the individual's self worth and interpersonal relationships.
Multiple compulsive avaidance behaviours can and often co-exist including blatant dishonesty ultimately leading to larceny, major fraudlent behaviour.


Carnes, P. (1983). Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction. Minneapolis, MN: CompCare.
The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity



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