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DOMESIC VIOLENCE
DIVORCE & SEPARATION


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Multiplication is the name of the game and each generation just plays it the same.
So what is happening in New South Wales alone for 14,482 couples or 28,964 individuals in 2006
to have their marriages legally terminated by divorce and separation after being together
on average for 7.6 years.
There were 121,197 marriages registered and 46,498 divorces granted in Australia in 2014.
Over the past five years there has been a gradual increase in the median age at separation
and divorce.
This aligns with a gradual increase in the median age at first marriage. 

Source: Australian Bureau of Statistics
Divorce


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Maybe in this study we have actually found an explanation for the foundation of the "7 year itch", however we would like to offer an opportunity to actually study just what is happening in your relationship and why you or your partner think separation will make either or both of you happy.

Yes, sure you will be able to come and go and spend time and money as you please.

But what exactly is it that you think your partner is "doing to you" which will change in you when the offending partner is out of your life.

Reality is that each party is normally carrying their own unresolved issues and their partner is unintentionally activating those old wounds or uncomfortable sensitivities.

To deliberately activate those "BUTTONS" is outright unacceptable DOMESTIC ABUSE.

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ADDICTIVE RELATIONSHIP


Psychology of Love Addiction:

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This state of being is commonly exposed when partners in a relationship separate.

Bring forth the all consuming, all-pervasive need for the other person where one partner or both feel incomplete without the other. The remaining member of the former relationship becomes mortified and desperately ridden by anguish.

It's a common scenario in today's world. It's also an example of a codependent relationship.

Where you compromise your own values to avoid another person's rejection or anger.




Following are just a few red flags of codependence
Difficulty defining ego boundaries.
This means the partners do not realize where one begins and one ends.

Partners that exhibit sadomasochism.
Meaning partners tend to either specialize or take turns playing abuser and victim.

  •    Each person being afraid to let themselves go and take risks either as individuals or as a part of the couple. They often tend to do the same things and do not try things that are different.
  •    Resisting and being fearful when a partner tries to grow personally. The other partner often views this as a threat.
  •    Not experiencing true intimacy in any sense - intellectually, spiritually, physically, or emotionally. Intensity takes the place of intimacy.
  •    Partners playing psychological games, as in one being the giver and one playing the victim.
  •    Addictive partners barter and keep score, rather than giving freely without expecting something in return.
  •    Partners attempting to change the other instead of dealing with their own problems or feelings.
  •    Partners requiring the other to feel complete.
  •    Seeking solutions for problems from their partners, instead of themselves.
  •    Demanding and expecting unconditional love. This type of love can only exist between a parent and a child.
  •    We don't always like or approve of what our partners
  •    There are behaviors a partner cannot allow in the relationship and might well result in its termination.
  •    Finding it hard to really commit to each other.
  •    Partners look to each other for affirmation and worth, rather than to themselves.
  •    Fearing abandonment when separated.
  •    A tendency to recreate old negative patterns with their present partners that occurred in childhood.
  •    Desiring, yet fearing closeness.
  •    Attempting to take care of others' feelings.
  •    Playing power and psychology games.


The psychology of additive infatuation is characterized by caring so much for a relationship with another person that self-love and self-respect begin to suffer.

These examples and indicators of dependency most certainly rise when couples become self defensive after being ridiculed, abused or neglected by their partner and then very quickly both parties go into a total pattern of self defence and all inter communication becomes lost.

Spirialing feelings of rejection, of being unheard, neglected, abandoned and unloved.

Resolving the the underlying trauma is essential to rebuild and recover these damaged relationships.

Call us at 777 Counselling Service and arrange your couples appointment to deal with these unresolved issues and free yourself and your relationship from those continuing arguments.

Phone 93877355 SEVEN DAYS 9 TILL 9 PM. Or Email us at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
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CO-DEPENDENT SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS


Sexual Expressions of Co-Dependents

babilonRelationship Therapy is often necessary if not essential for many people in society when traumatised individuals unconsciously enter into co- dependent relationships believing that with their partner's contribution to their life they will become whole, by having a partner to lean on.

With that stabilising "loving feeling" temporarily overriding old lonely wounds of emptiness.

But the loving feeling is temporary, never healing old wounds.



After a while we get to realise how we keep falling for some form of addictive patched on band aid for a companion, hoping for the partner to act as some "inner mummy" to kiss the pain better.

Again & again & again, it shall return in endless cycles of joy and sorrow, until we actually get to deal with the underlying trauma deep within the psyches furnace.

Unfortunately for many couples, this has never been the case and provides a possible explanation to why so many cohabiting couples feel their "relationship" has failed ultimately leading to moments of doubt, trust issues, anger, indiscretions of fidelity, progressing onto divorce, separating, shattering families and propagating future generations of wounded souls to toddle off to endlessly repeat and transfer the futile exercise as if this is some form of hereditary disease.

Our conditioning or the perceived path of life adopted through our family of origin or child hood influence-rs generally leaves individuals as living forms of these cloned moulds.

Often with severe consequences for the real character who has been unwittingly psychologically trapped by the stained waters of the tutor.

After his wild military life of war, women, wine and song as a Spanish conquistador St Ignatius Loyola the founder of the Jesuit order is supposedly quoted saying:
"Give me a boy till the age of seven and I will cut you the man" as he made his way back from his debaucherious, selfish, immoral, puerile ways to become a man of learning, humility, some dignity and character.

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