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& DOWN TO EARTH,
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For in person on line & face to face  Counselling.

 COUNSELLORS & COUNSELLING SUPERVISORS
Rod McClure JP & Carol Stuart

"Love never hurts......
It's in the wanting to be loved,
Wherein lies our pain."
crm.

Or
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow,
As the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man".
William Shakespeare.

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ADDRESSING PERSONAL & WORK PLACE HARASSMENT.

Baby Dont Herd Me n
In recent times several clients have expressed their reluctance & hesitancy
to attend work place EAP Counsellors for fear of possible reprisal from Management
or fellow workers.
Unfortunately in today's workplace it has become intimidating
for many people struggling to make their way financially to disclose that they need help.

Often demands, attitude and expectation of some unethical and "hard nosed"
employers do use rather unfair demands or "Cut Throat" & threatening tactics to
achieve performance.
Restructures, reorganisation, take overs, redundancy, work performance criticism, critical reviews, market competition.
Examples of such were well exposed in 2016 by media of Four Corners & SMH Journalists.
The federal government is supposedly watching this unscrupulous behaviour with a
high level investigation known as Taskforce Cadena.

There is also the Fair Work Commission.

Of course there are many other unscrupulous employers who remain at large.
As was exposed by the ABC with the itinerant seasonal workers from Fiji who were
unfairly treated and definitely misled by deliberate devious tactics left in the finer
details of their contract which were not brought to their attention.

If you feel any of these situations may apply to you in your employment then
contact us immediately for a genuine confidential appointment.
We will do all we possibly can to assist you and support you to have the matter
professionally address.
And absolutely CONFIDENTIALLY, so that you will not be exposed.
Read more...
 
ADOLESENT SEX CONVERSATION

Learning that real sense of "Loving Thy self".

Dealing with the "endless aching need", that left over endless aggravation often spoke of as being "bored".

In allowing the feeling to be present, and actually sitting with "IT" we gradually teach our self to accept the sensation as a wonderful part of our psyche, rather than avoiding it, as we have previously done with Porn, alcohol, drugs, gambling, sport, TV, X-box, food or shopping, and even born again "happy clapping".

In this way we are able to progressively let "IT"  PASS without the need for any avoidance distracting intervention. (Compulsive avoidance)

Self aware Emotional Training:
nappy changing chantsIn closing we remind readers that our parents had a vested interest in getting us out of baby nappies so they took time to train us to recognise the sensations of our bowel & bladder so that we could attend to those respective essential needs as they arouse.

Unfortunately in most cases today parents have been too busy, preoccupied, unaware or incapable of training their children to recognise and appropriately deal with emotional sensations.
So too many adolescents are gaining their sex information from dangerous mind eroding vile abusive pornography.

Mother to Daughter, Father to Son; (See Pathways here)

Further more the healthy loving respectful conversation about sex and intercourse does not happen in the modern family.
Adolescents are notorious in not wanting to listen to parents, especially when it involves the sensitivity of "Too Much Information".
So parents find it too difficult to broach the topic and in many cases do not have the ability or confidence to speak about such sensitive previously denied restricted behaviours. 

No need for  'Young Bull Old Bull locking of Horns".

Having these discussions facilitated by an experienced adult Counsellor is one way to assist, another is to participate in the Pathways foundation program.
Pathways is a wonderful organisation with specifically designed interactive programs established to address this essential need as boys become young men, and separate events where daughters become young women.

As noted there is also a Pathways program for Women, to assist Mothers and daughters to manage this critical transition period where too many adolescents become divided & separated from their parental mentors and be too easily led into erratic physical and potentially damaging behaviours in some "stuff you Old Boy or Old Girl" from a  wayward enthusiastic sense of challenging perceived criticism of "never being good enough", that basic rejection or perceived lack of trust by over protective, loving parents.

Here we restate that often quoted reality that virtually all professions of life require a degree of qualifications from specific training, unfortunately this does not apply to producing children.
Too many of us do not have the essential skills necessary to be perfect parents therefore many of us unwittingly pass on the sins of earlier generations believing that we know what is right.
Certainly this mind set is not always the case, fortunately times are changing around us by the minute.
As challenging as these circumstances maybe parents need to do their very best to change with the times, with their children to prevent the inevitable dislocation.

We need more Dad's to take their sons camping and to learn to have the conversation around an open fire or whilst they bait their hooks sitting on river bank fishing for each others love and respect.

When it comes to Healthy discussions about Sex this Therapist Dr Marty Klein offers some good advice on this video.

Being able to share and distribute information such as this is why we believe in and passionately promote our 777 Counselling service.
For help or just an online on question  or further information  Contact us Here.

Or read MORE ABOUT US HERE:
 
THE ART OF LOVE
Neil Diamond from his Melody Album told us that it took him five years to complete this beautiful song



THE ART OF LOVE
and it was not until he wrote the last line that he finally got "IT".
 
ATTACHMENT THEORY
Rod McClure and Carol Stuart               
                           
                                                   What Is Attachment Theory?


The Importance of Early Emotional Bonds

By Kendra Cherry

Attachment theory is focused on the relationships and bonds between people, particularly long-term relationships including those between a parent and child and between romantic partners.

British psychologist John Bowlby was the first attachment theorist, describing attachment as a "lasting psychological connectedness between human beings."

Bowlby was interested in understanding the separation anxiety and distress that children experience when separated from their primary caregivers.

Some of the earliest behavioral theories suggested that attachment was simply a learned behavior. These theories proposed that attachment was merely the result of feeding relationship between the child and the caregiver. Because the caregiver feeds the child and provide nourishment, the child becomes attached these theories suggested.

What Bowlby observed that even feedings did not diminish the anxiety experienced by children when they were separated from their primary caregivers. Instead, he found that attachment was characterized by clear behavioral and motivation patterns. When children are frightened, they will seek proximity from their primary caregiver in order to receive both comfort and care.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is an emotional bond to another person. Bowlby believed that the earliest bonds formed by children with their caregivers have a tremendous impact that continues throughout life. He suggested attachment also serves to keep the infant close to the mother, thus improving the child's chances of survival.

He viewed attachment as a product of evolutionary processes. While the behavioral theories of attachment suggested that attachment was a learned process, Bowlby and others proposed that children are born with an innate drive to form attachments with caregivers.

Throughout history, children who maintained proximity to an attachment figure were more likely to receive comfort and protection, and therefore more likely to survive to adulthood. Through the process of natural selection, a motivational system designed to regulate attachment emerged.

So what determines successful attachment? Behaviorists suggested that it was food that led to the formation of this attachment behavior, but Bowlby and others demonstrated that nurturance and responsiveness were the primary determinants of attachment.

The central theme of attachment theory is that primary caregivers who are available and responsive to an infant's needs allow the child to develop a sense of security.

The infant knows that the caregiver is dependable, which creates a secure base for the child to then explore the world.

Ainsworth's "Strange Situation"

In her 1970's research, psychologistMary Ainsworth expanded greatly upon Bowlby's original work. Her groundbreaking "Strange Situation"study revealed the profound effects of attachment on behavior. In the study, researchers observed children between the ages of 12 and 18 months as they responded to a situation in which they were briefly left alone and then reunited with their mothers.

Based upon the responses the researchers observed, Ainsworth described three major styles of attachment: secure attachment, ambivalent-insecure attachment, and avoidant-insecure attachment. Later, researchers Main and Solomon (1986) added a fourth attachment style called disorganized-insecure attachment based upon their own research. A number of studies since that time have supported Ainsworth's attachment styles and have indicated that attachment styles also have an impact on behaviors later in life.

Maternal Deprivation Studies

Harry Harlow's infamous studies on maternal deprivation and social isolation during the 1950s and 1960s also explored early bonds. In a series of experiments, Harlow demonstrated how such bonds emerge and the powerful impact they have on behavior and functioning. In one version of his experiment, newborn rhesus monkeys were separated from their birth mothers and reared by surrogate mothers. The infant monkeys were placed in cages with two wire monkey mothers. One of the wire monkeys held a bottle from which the infant monkey could obtain nourishment, while the other wire monkey was covered in a soft terry cloth.

While the infant monkeys would go to the wire mother to obtain food, they spend most of their days with the soft cloth mother. When frightened, the baby monkeys would turn to their cloth-covered mother for comfort and security.

Harlow's work also demonstrated that early attachments were the result of receiving comfort and care from a caregiver rather than simply the result of being fed.

The Stages of Attachment

Researchers Rudolph Schaffer and Peggy Emerson analyzed the number of attachment relationships that infants form in a longitudinal study with 60 infants. The infants were observed every four weeks during the first year of life, and then once again at 18 months. Based upon their observations, Schaffer and Emerson outlined four distinct phases of attachment.

  1. Pre-attachment Stage: From birth to three months, infants do not show any particular attachment to a specific caregiver. The infant's signals such as crying and fussing naturally attract the attention of the caregiver, and the baby's positive responses encourage the caregiver to remain close.
  2. Indiscriminate Attachment: From around six weeks of age to seven months, infants begin to show preferences for primary and secondary caregivers. During this phase, infants begin to develop a feeling of trust that the caregiver will respond to their needs. While they will still accept care from other people, they become much better at distinguishing between familiar and unfamiliar people as they approach seven months of age. They also respond more positively to the primary caregiver.
  3. Discriminate Attachment: At this point, from about seven to eleven months of age, infants show a strong attachment and preference for one specific individual. They will protest when separated from the primary attachment figure (separation anxiety), and begin to display anxiety around strangers (stranger anxiety).
  4. Multiple Attachments: After approximately nine months of age, children begin to form strong emotional bonds with other caregivers beyond the primary attachment figure. This often includes the father, older siblings, and grandparents.
While this process may seem straightforward, there are a number of different factors that can influence how and when attachments develop. First is the opportunity for attachment. Children that do not have a primary care figure, such as those raised in orphanages, may fail to develop the sense of trust needed to form an attachment. Second, the quality of care-giving is a vital factor. When caregivers respond quickly and consistently, children learn that they can depend on the people who are responsible for their care, which is the essential foundation for attachment.

Patterns of Attachment

Secure Attachment

Secure attachment is marked by distress when separated from caregivers and are joyful when the caregiver returns. Remember, these children feel secure and able to depend on their adult caregivers. When the adult leaves, the child may be upset but he or she feels assured that the parent or caregiver will return.

When frightened, securely attached children will seek comfort from caregivers. These children know their parent or caregiver will provide comfort and reassurance, so they are comfortable seeking them out in times of need.

Ambivalent Attachment

Ambivalently attached children usually become very distressed when a parent leaves. This attachment style is considered relatively uncommon, affecting an estimated 7-15% of U.S. children. Research suggests that ambivalent attachment is a result of poor maternal availability. These children cannot depend on their mother (or caregiver) to be there when the child is in need.

Avoidant Attachment

Children with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers. When offered a choice, these children will show no preference between a caregiver and a complete stranger. Research has suggested that this attachment style might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.

Disorganized Attachment

Children with a disorganized attachment often display a confusing mix of behavior and may seem disoriented, dazed, or confused. Children may both avoid or resist the parent. Some researchers believe that the lack of a clear attachment pattern is likely linked to inconsistent behavior from caregivers. In such cases, parents may serve as both a source of comfort and a source of fear, leading to disorganized behavior.

Problems with Attachment

What happens to children who do not form secure attachments? Research suggests that failure to form secure attachments early in life can have a negative impact on behavior in later childhood and throughout the life. Children diagnosed with oppositional-defiant disorder (ODD), conduct disorder (CD) or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) frequently display attachment problems, possibly due to early abuse, neglect or trauma. Clinicians suggest that children adopted after the age of six months have a higher risk of attachment problems.

While attachment styles displayed in adulthood are not necessarily the same as those seen in infancy, research indicates that early attachments can have a serious impact on later relationships. For example, those who are securely attached in childhood tend to have good self-esteem, strong romantic relationships and the ability to self-disclose to others. As adults, they tend to have healthy, happy and lasting relationships. For more information, see this article on attachment styles.

Why Attachment Matters

Researchers have found that attachment patterns established early in life can lead to a number of outcomes. For example, children who are securely attached as infants tend to develop stronger self-esteem and better self-reliance as they grow older. These children also tend to be more independent, perform better in school, have successful social relationships, and experience less depression and anxiety.

Did you enjoy this article? Sign up for the free Psychology Newsletter to get the latest psychology updates and to learn more about diverse topics including social behavior, personality, development, memory, creativity and much more. Subscribe today!

References

Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. (1978). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.

Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1991). Attachments and other affectional bonds across the life cycle. In C . M. Parkes, J. Stevenson-Hinde, & P. Marris (Eds.), Attachment across the life cycle (pp. 33-51). London: Routledge.

Bowlby, J. (1958). The Nature of the Childs Tie to His Mother. International Journal of Psychoanalysis, 39, 350-371.

Bowlby J. (1969). Attachment. Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Loss. New York: Basic Books.

Dollard, J. & Miller, N.E. (1950). Personality and psychotherapy. New York: McGraw-Hill.

Harlow, H. (1958) The Nature of Love . American Psychologist, 13, 673-685.

Schaffer, H. R. & Emerson, P. E. (1964). The development of social attachments in infancy. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 29, 94.

How to Cite This Article:

Cherry, K. A. (2006). What is attachment theory? Retrieved from http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/attachment01.htm


 
CROSS GENERATIONAL TRAUMA TRANSFERENCE

Grand Father
There are many severly psychological damaged, mentally ill people and chidren in our society who unfortunately are the products and  direct consequence of unwittingly transferred parental ignorance to their own traumatic experiences. 

Such influential consequences from this state of psychological ignorance, and unintentional neglect by parents themselves is so ingrained into cultural indoctrination that organic cognitive development maybe and in fact is stifled, stunted and in many cases impeded permanently. 

Seriously affected, mentally and physically ill individuals are readily identified and unfortunately to a greater degree avoided by main stream society to be socially isolated due to their physical and intellectual malaise.

Whilst many others carry their unidentified "psychological infliction" into daily life considering their attitudes, beliefs, and practices to be righteous, correct and justified.

Read more...
 
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