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"Facing Off" with the LOVE ABLE SELF

helenAnthropologist Helen Fisher studies gender differences and the evolution of human emotions.
She's best known as an expert on romantic love, and her beautifully penned books -- including Anatomy of Love and Why We Love -- lay bare the mysteries of our most treasured emotion.

In this recent lecture anthropologist Helen questions us and discusses love.

Why do we crave love so much, even to the point that we would die for it?

To learn more about our very real, very physical need for romantic love, Helen Fisher and her research team took MRIs of people in love -- and people who had just been dumped.

This makes for some very interesting primal, organic, biological questioning and most definitely sheds more light and knowledge into our basic need for a mate to share the intimacy associated with the highest prize of relationship.


In human relationships an enmeshed person can't distinguish the difference between their needs, feelings, opinions, and priorities and their partners or that of fellow family members. Forever adjusting their own behaviour to ensure those in the enmeshment system remain contented . We don't want any body upset do we?
This way the individual may believe they are actually fulfilling the Christian ethos of "do unto others as they would do unto you.".

In relationship therapy exposure of this condition we may discover either, both or all parties have had a significantly undernourished circumstancial, childhood.

"We're enmeshed when we use another individual to express our identity, sense of value, worth, well-being, safety, purpose, and security. Instead of two people present, we become one identity.

More simply, enmeshment is present when our sense of wholeness comes from another person.

We hear enmeshment phrases everyday such as, "I'd die without you," "You're my everything," "Without you, I'm nothing," "I need you," or "You make me whole." Many of us find our identity and self-worth by becoming the mate, parent, or friend of a successful and/or prestigious individual, or we find the need to fix and caretake individuals to give us a sense of purpose.

Enmeshment doesn't allow for individuality, wholeness, personal empowerment, healthy relationships with ourselves or others, and, most importantly, a relationship with our Higher Power."


I get a kick out of you

Over the course of history it has been artists, poets and playwrights who have made the greatest progress in humanity's understanding of love. Romance has seemed as inexplicable as the beauty of a rainbow.
But these days scientists are challenging that notion, and they have rather a lot to say about how and why people love each other.


Scientists are finding that, after all, love really is down to a chemical addiction between people

Is this useful?
The scientists think so.
For a start, understanding the neurochemical pathways that regulate social attachments may help to deal with defects in people's ability to form relationships.
All relationships, whether they are those of parents with their children, spouses with their partners, or workers with their colleagues, rely on an ability to create and maintain social ties.
Defects can be disabling, and become apparent as disorders such as autism and schizophrenia - and, indeed, as the serious depression that can result from rejection in love.
Research is also shedding light on some of the more extreme forms of sexual behaviour.
And, controversially, some utopian fringe groups see such work as the doorway to a future where love is guaranteed because it will be provided chemically, or even genetically engineered from conception.


malteseBaby & Childhood Bonding.

Looking into the window of a pet shop is always such an evocative emotional experience for us as we see those beautiful little puppies scraging, jumping over, mauling and chewing each others ears, tails and legs as they shower us with innocent "puppy love".

They love and need to stay in contact with each other, to keep each other company, within contact to the heart beat of their mates, brothers and sisters.

Have you ever bothered to consider just why it is that they attract so much of our attention and sensitivity, why we are so drawn to all baby creatures?

Of course pet shop operators know what a draw card these free, rollicking, living furry balls of love are and so they are always have "puppies" out there on full display, if the cabinet is empty we might even feel "ripped off" disappointed, having missed out on that loving and often sad feeling sensed with us.

Bonding is simple enough, but not always easy; it can happen but may not; and, as wondrous as it is, some have misunderstood the idea and made it seem unnecessary.

When the last pup of the litter (or display box) is left alone it will whine and become absolutely distraught.

So too might its brothers and sisters when they are weaned off early and sent to different homes become villainous and seemingly quite destructive by chewing any thing and everything left lying around including all the used and unused tissues, old news papers, shoes, slippers, thongs pretty well anything left loose that it can find to play with, including saved up and well hidden Easter eggs.

Through the study and observation of animals and their behaviour we are able to learn quite a deal about ourselves and the bonding relationships between Mother and child and Grand Mother and Grand child which makes for a very interesting study and comment.

LOVE (The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran)

The Prophet
Kahlil Gibran

kahil gibranThen said Almitra, "Speak to us of Love."
And he raised his head and looked upon the people, and there fell a stillness upon them. And with a great voice he said:
When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.

And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.

Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.

Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."

And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.


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