Home Articles INFANT BONDING
INFANT BONDING


malteseBaby & Childhood Bonding.



Looking into the window of a pet shop is always such an evocative emotional experience for us as we see those beautiful little puppies scraging, jumping over, mauling and chewing each others ears, tails and legs as they shower us with innocent "puppy love".

They love and need to stay in contact with each other, to keep each other company, within contact to the heart beat of their mates, brothers and sisters.

Have you ever bothered to consider just why it is that they attract so much of our attention and sensitivity, why we are so drawn to all baby creatures?

Of course pet shop operators know what a draw card these free, rollicking, living furry balls of love are and so they are always have "puppies" out there on full display, if the cabinet is empty we might even feel "ripped off" disappointed, having missed out on that loving and often sad feeling sensed with us.

Bonding is simple enough, but not always easy; it can happen but may not; and, as wondrous as it is, some have misunderstood the idea and made it seem unnecessary.

When the last pup of the litter (or display box) is left alone it will whine and become absolutely distraught.

So too might its brothers and sisters when they are weaned off early and sent to different homes become villainous and seemingly quite destructive by chewing any thing and everything left lying around including all the used and unused tissues, old news papers, shoes, slippers, thongs pretty well anything left loose that it can find to play with, including saved up and well hidden Easter eggs.

Through the study and observation of animals and their behaviour we are able to learn quite a deal about ourselves and the bonding relationships between Mother and child and Grand Mother and Grand child which makes for a very interesting study and comment.

The Grand In-Law hook

That Mother in law relationship myth probably has loads of buried truths and reality within some fascinating and histrionic characteristics all readily brought to light to emphasise the emotional and characteristic similarities or difference between Mother and daughter through the critical observations of an enmeshed third party, the son in law.

With his vested interest of enjoying life in a satisfying, hopefully unified domestic relationship. However the external expectations, directionsand instructions from the Mother of his wife is one constant aggravation to his wife and to their relationship as these two women struggle around and stand back from their own wounded sense of disconnection.

Similarly the daughter in law forever struggles, some what in virtual anonymity with her Mother in law as Mother constantly tries to make amends for her, latter day awareness, due to her own guilt, shame or embarrasment about her own lack of emotional bonding with her over indulging son who, himself, is an unconscious and there fore unaware victim of his own disconnected emotional self.

Subsequently, the daughter in law is harangued and triggered by these identical Mother critical charges.

The Bonding Theory

I offer this theory and practical explanation after experiencing repetitive cases in psychotherapy with young mature women regularly experiencing extreme and overpowering periods of debilitating anxiety in various situations and through conflicting moments in relationship with their partners where the male may continue or be seen to stray "with the boys" to party, get drunk, misbehave and occasionally leading on to more serious trust shattering, drugging, drunken misadventures.

However it is not always the case that the partner has really done anything seriously "wrong" to trigger the anxiety, any threat or perceived criticism seems to be enough to set them "off".

We will deal with misadventure of these boys in young men in another article all about them.

Study in therapy

When we study this/these painful heart felt sensations and anxiety in therapy we are able to reveal, for release, old toxic energy retained from these birth and life experienced reinforced wounds.

This enables us to then make new understanding to old habitual behaviour, with actual sensorial correcting meaning, in the present moment, to the former cognitive confusing and terror flooding experience formerly directly relayed as a sensorial threat from the infant experience and recoded sense of separation and abandonment in earlier emotional disconnection.

UNPACKING THE CAN

heart_to_brain
This sensorial experience has been lying beneath consciousness in the Medulla region, the old serpentine area of the brain since birth and retained as stored toxic psycho emotional energy through out every cell of the body since birth.

Fortunately this part of the brain has remained active and connected beneath consciousness forever to keep us breathing, adjusting our pulse rate and generally safe from harm.

Grand Mothers born from the years of war

Virtually an entire generation of children were born through out the world whose parents were consciously and unconsciously exposed to an extended period of intense, life threatening, horrendous emotional, physical abuse, fear and intense suffering as a direct consequence of their parents war torn lives where they carried with them first hand knowledge of the 1914-18 war, the depression years of the 1930s and then the war of 1939-45 with the after marth of carnage, suffering, shame, grief loss and guilt never addressed.

That trauma was imbedded into the national and international psyche for survival and so many children born from that generation whilst showered with love and material possessions remained emotionally neutral and disconnected due to the inability of their parents themselves to be emotionally open. Consequently we have experienced in a grand scale generational transference and loss of personal sensitivity which continues on being unconsciously transferred today as residual trauma with the continuing slaughter, violence and emotional disconnection of humanity.

Larger Families

Generations past generally had larger families, it was common for the younger children to be raised and nourished by and elder child. In these situations many of the children developed intense dependency in a one way way bonding with the elder sibling however the emotional connection was never completely available to other relationships where an inner wariness and lack of safety always formed an unconscious barrier to connection.

More is best in a disassociated society

More alcohol, more drugs, more sex, more violence more irresponsible taxing governments ignoring the social damage and ramifications of gambling and alcohol because they, the government themselves have become addicted to the revenue collected form these social, emotional pain killing compulsive addictions to poisons of life.

When the initial connection between Mother and child has never been made the young Mother to be, that is her daughter, proceeds on into life forever seeking that connection without ever being able to fully opening her heart emotionally.
This is not through any fault or intention of hers, but because that really safe continuing sense of emotional connection simply was not available or active from within the similarly wounded Mother at the time of the child's infancy.
So the new Mother and daughter unwittingly have lived a full but disconnected life in oblivion to their real subliminal capacity of self.
Whilst constantly in touch with each other yet never able to achieve the persoanl safety for emotionally bonded.

Never satisfied forever dependent

The ambitious successful young woman of this generation rushes on filling her life with executive and career success, high fashion, body beauty, exercise, travel, touring, acquiring material possessions eternally seeking and shaping her young adult self for womanly independence whilst never really achieving the inner satisfaction of personal completion, of feeling whole and capable of truly loving herself.

Incapable of meeting her endless aching self need through this external pursuit of 'worldly pleasures' and lovers, forever seeking the illusive inner contentedness and personal happiness.

This emptiness leave one with a tendency to be dependent and so exposed to revolving relationships without any thing more than a good old lusty physical connection, if she is lucky.
Whilst their own primal maternal body clock is 5 minutes or less from midnight and their partner is not prepared to meet the challenge and perceived obligations of raising a family in this "Out of Order" materialistically insane society we have allowed to drive us whilst we were at the party for the last 50 years trying to recover from all the wars.

Indelible Maternal Bonding

So now we have a better understand as to why some Grand Mothers develop that ‘special' bonding experience with some of their Grand children.

Maybe, as they have moved on in life the exuberance and pressures of the adolescent youth abate, her drive for independence has calmed down and she becomes more self aware of her own emptiness and heart felt desire for unconditional genuine loving connection.

Now that endless inner drive of life's connection, that eternal sustaining maternal desire and endless need for loving connection is immediately available and offered to the infant and these sensitive connecting spiritual emotional heart open energies of the wise woman or crone and the infant indelibly connect to absorb and knowingly dissolve into each other unconsciously knowing they have found the divine safety of unconditional love.

This then suggest that a lack of parental bonding between the Mother and the child creates an opportunity for Grand Mother and Grand child bonding as the child arrives to earth naturally open and seeking a continuing connection from the flesh of its birth across the open threshold of emotional separation.

So we join in "puppy love relationship" initially unaware of the greater under current of attraction for a mate which is another primal sensorial experience imbedded within the Medulla.

If you have been touched, in any way by this story we invite your contact and further discussion by phoning 93877355 for appointments. 

 
CONTACT OR READ ABOUT US HERE:

 

Like Us On Facebook

Share with a friend

FacebookTwitterLinkedinRSS FeedPinterest

Location

777 Counselling Service