Home Articles BEING ENOUGH.... JUST AS YOU ARE.
BEING ENOUGH.... JUST AS YOU ARE.

Being Single;


happy-single"Yes", she said. "I am happy."

However, directed by my own pre-conditioned, social expectations and ignorance I replied.

"But wouldn't you like to be in a relationship"?


She waited, took her time considering her reply, then she gently prized open my pre-conditioned dysfunctional socially believed attitude by confidentially replying.

"Aren't I enough as I am"?



Fortunately one never stops learning, even though, 
Many lessons are, at first rather tough to accept.




Thankfully there are some wise people young and old, who manage to learn and teach the odd lesson when they have experienced life with all its trials and tribulations.


There’s a common and prevalent belief in our society that you have to be "paired up" to be happy.

We know this simply isn’t true.

This can very easily be misleading if not completely incorrect depending on individuals.
There undoubtedly is a social expectation that people need to be coupled to be complete and happy. But that is exactly what it is a social expectation.

Need for relationship connection may expose a sense of co-dependency which of itself is driven by some ungratified need or the endless aching need of childhood trauma which constantly seeks support from a partner to provide attention and recognition.

These quotations remind us all that being alone certainly doesn’t equal loneliness and in fact, many singletons would swear they had the “better” life.

So for all the happy singles out there, let’s celebrate you!


“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” – Warsan Shire

“If you are lonely when you're alone, you are in bad company.” – Jean-Paul Sartre

“You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life is the relationship to the self.
Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose.” – Jo Coudert


“I celebrate myself, and sing myself.” – Walt Whitman.

“He is his own best friend, and takes delight in privacy whereas the man of no virtue or ability is his own worst enemy and is afraid of solitude.” – Aristotle

“When I get lonely these days, I think: So BE lonely, Liz. Learn your way around loneliness.
Make a map of it.
Sit with it, for once in your life.
Welcome to the human experience.
But never again use another person’s body or emotions as a scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings.” – Elizabeth Gilbert


“I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.” – Henry David Thoreau

“If we seek paradise outside ourselves, we cannot have paradise in our hearts.” – Thomas Merton

“Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is richness of self.” – May Sarton

"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who'll decide where to go.” – Dr. Seuss

“I don't need a man to rectify my existence. The most profound relationship we'll ever have is the one with ourselves.” – Shirley MacLaine

“I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not defined by another person.” – Oscar Wilde

(For this article we have "borrowed" & acknowledge, some of the above from the Over 60s material.)

About Relationship.
Unfortunately many people believe that they need to be WITH a partner to MAKE them happy, nothing can be further from the truth.

Dealing with our own trauma:
Not until
each individual knows about, understands and has dealt with the influence, emotional impact and burden of childhood trauma and environmental conditioning, is it ever possible to be happy in ONE'S own SKIN and SOUL.

Such unaddressed conditioning, inflicted upon our psyche, may unwittingly induce spontaneous "defensive aggression".

Basic to Fight or Flight response
.

This immediate & direct consequences to our fear of being hurt, may lead to raised voices & further arguments because the innocent recipient is offended & may retaliate.

We may end up with two parties effectively at war.
At a personal war defending emotional territory of their own stale old unresolved toxic wounds.

Too often one or both parties are entirely unaware that their attitudes and beliefs are from the environment or "culture" in which they were raised. They religiously hold onto these faithful beliefs, simply refusing to accept the possibility of a different opinion. 

In the case of any disputes an early and sincere "Sorry", will normally be sufficient, for the offender to go away and process the experience,...................one again.

Content and Single.
Of course one may have dealt with their issues and have a very thorough understanding of who they are and be totally devoid of any unresolved emotional scars or fixed attitudes. Being totally content, preferring to remain single to be free, independent of any expectations from any partner, work colleague or associates.

After all we were Born Free.


"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, 
As the night the day, 
Thou canst not then be false to any man". William Shakespeare.


Watch & Listen to Neil Diamond sing "The Art Of Love". 
A song with a wonderful lesson about the necessity to become "A brand new man if he wants to be yours".

Other forms of relationship may virtually be "avoidant addiction" or may even be considered a form of "dependency."

Further reading:
An amazing book explainimg What Love Is.

Then maybe you will feel inspired to go onto here and read about CO-DEPENDENCY




 

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