Written by Rod McClure JP   
Monday, 27 July 2015 12:01
Why Forbid When You Can Empower?

If you forbid your children to do anything, the natural instinct is for them to want to do it – and quite possibly to actually do it. At sixteen, I ran away from home because my mother forbid me to date this boy she didn’t like. If she had given me the freedom to make my own choice, I probably would have ended the relationship much sooner than I did.
If you give your kids the space to make their own choices, there is a very good chance that they will set boundaries for themselves.

One of the most powerful parenting tools is asking the right questions that will incite your children to find good and healthy answers that fit for them.
For example, if your child is contemplating what might be considered “risky behavior,” instead of forbidding your child, you might ask him/her:
“What do you think might be some positive and negative outcomes, if you ….?”
“If you removed peer pressure and you thought for yourself, what would you want to do?”
“What choice do you think supports you and your future self the most?”
Ask your child to imagine saying “yes” to the behavior, and following it through to an outcome so that he can future tense the behavior.
Then ask him to imagine saying no, and do the same.
At that point, you can ask, “What feels better for you, and why?”
Even if your teen does partake in “risky behavior,” if you have been an awake and supportive parent, chances are he/she will speak with you openly, and it can become an opportunity to help your child grow, and make better choices in the future.
I will be the first to admit, I am a very radical parent, and it took a great deal of courage to parent in this new paradigm, but I now have three grown happy children who know their intrinsic worth and their power to consciously create their lives.
Along the way, I discovered that in order to teach my children about their own worth and power, I had to know it and live it for myself.

Inspired Parenting requires that you grow and develop every step of the way.
You might be concerned that if you allow your children to make their own choices and think for themselves, they will be out of control.
As you may know, the Amish are one of the most conservative cultures on the planet. But did you know, when the Amish children reach the age of about fourteen, they are allowed and maybe even encouraged to go out into the world and experiment with life.
This means that sex, drugs and rock and roll are all on their menu of possibilities.
The point is, they must choose the Amish tradition for themselves and the only way that they can do so is if they have the free will to make that choice.
The interesting part is that ninety percent of the kids consciously choose to go back into the Amish tradition.
As parents, we don’t own our children. We are guardians, mentors and cheerleaders.


Your Guide for Empowering Teens

Although this is geared for teens, much of this guidance is appropriate for children of younger ages as well.

Ask for Feedback: It is likely that you don’t realize when your children feel judged or dis-respected. Therefore, it is an empowering idea to ask your children, “Please let me know if you feel judged or dis-respected by me.” When your child does give you feedback, don’t react – don’t justify or deny. Instead, pause and examine your previous words and attitude. If you are uncertain, ask your child for further feedback. It is not up to you to decide if your child feels judged.
When kids feel as if their parents trust them, they gain the confidence to trust themselves. Don’t make your child have to prove that you can trust him. This just sets you both up for failure. Your child will likely make some “bad” choices, trust him anyone. The more you trust him, the more trustworthy he will become.
Think Positively: 
Teach your kids to think positively, and to look for the good that can happen. Instead of imagining what they don’t want, invite your kids to imagine what they do want. Also, learn to model this behavior.
Make Agreements: 
Make agreements with your kids that allow them to retain their power. For example, instead of telling your kids what time they need to go to bed, negotiate the time and have them agree to it.
Focus on the Good: 
Make a list of all the positive attributes of your children, and each day re-read the list. When you see your children, remember these attributes and compliment them often.
Surrender Criticism: 
Don’t criticize your child’s clothes, hair or room. Especially don’t criticize their friends. When you criticize your child’s friends, your child takes it personally and will likely alienate you.
Put Your Child First: 
Separate your child’s “performance” from his/hers intrinsic value. This means that you must stop making grades more important than your child’s emotional well-being and that you do not punish your child for not doing well in school.
Take the pressure off. Speak to your child and find out what your child wants and then do your best to explore options that support their choices – which could be very different than the ones you had in mind.
Think for Themselves: 
Encourage your children to think for themselves, and to be individuals who don’t make choices based on fear or peer pressure.
Emotional Needs: 
Show your children how to meet their own emotional needs – giving themselves approval, acceptance and love. Teach your children that they don’t need the approval of anyone in order to be worthy – not even yours.
Speak with Respect: 
Speak to your children with respect. If your children feel as if you really respect them, it will go a long way in opening up the lines of communication.
Room for Expression: 
Allow your children to be who they are – this might mean that they experiment with some unusual looks and behaviors, but that is just part of growing up. In fact, inspire your children to express themselves and be authentic – even if it means green hair and purple pants.
Share Your Beliefs, but… Yes, share your religious, cultural and moral beliefs but don’t force your beliefs on your children. Give them the space to discover their own.
Express Emotions: 
Your home should be a safe space to feel and express emotions. If your kids are ridiculed or undermined by any household member for sharing emotions, they will close up, and retreat.
[An effective way to open up conversation is to go around the dinner table each night, one-by-one, and reflect on each day’s highlights and lowlights. This practice has become a daily ritual at the extended Wake Up World dinner table, with wonderful results. ~ Editor]

Regularly participate in things that your child likes to do – yes, even if it is video games. The more connected your child feels to you, the more likely he will speak with you.
Show Love: 
Show your love and appreciation for your child every single day – even if she seems to ignore you, it is getting through.
Don’t Dump: 
Don’t share your problems with your child.
Children feel responsible for their parents and if you dump your issues on them, it could lead to an emotional breaking point.
Also, if your kids feel you have too much to handle, they won’t want to burden you with their problems, and they will not speak with you, when they really need to.
Household Participation: 
Every member of your home should be participating in the running of the home. Negotiate your child’s household jobs and have them agree. Yes, you may still have to ask your child to clean the dishes three times before they do it, but don’t take it personally, and don’t entangle teenage procrastination with the worth of your child.
Go Inside: 
Teach your children to quiet their minds and go inside for the answers that they are seeking – and to trust themselves above and beyond all else.
Family Mottos: 
Create family mottos like, “Things always work out”, or “you can do anything you put your mind to!”

And Finally…
If I were to speak to a high school auditorium, I would say, “Each one of you is unconditionally worthy right now.
You are not here to please anyone or live up to anyone’s expectations.
This means that you don’t have to prove your worth to friends, teachers or parents.
Your only job is to be yourself and to discover who you really are.
You are powerful creators and you have the inherent ability to create anything that you desire in life.”

As evolving parents, it is time to teach our children to claim their power and worth and to be who they came here to be!

About the author:
Nanice Ellis has been a professional Life Coach for over 17 years, successfully coaching women and men from all over the world.
She is also an author, Theta Healer and Master Neuro Linguistic Practitioner.
Helping people to make quantum jumps in their lives, Nanice’s very unique coaching style is often referred to as the “Nanice Effect”. By using powerful and proven manifestation techniques, Nanice coaches people to tap into the power of the Universe and live their dreams, bridging the gap from the imagination to the realization of that dream. 
She works with leaders, coaches, healers and anyone who wants to live life to the fullest. You can learn more about the coaching programs offered at: Coaching Programs with Nanice.
Nanice is the author of several books, including the inspirational The Infinite Power of You! and Even Gandhi Got Hungry and Buddha Got Mad! 
She is also the host of radio show Chai with Nanice. 
Her books are available at: Nanice.com/6/Books and here on Amazon.
To connect with Nanice, visit Nanice.com or email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for a free consultation.

We emailed Nanice seeking permission to repost her work.
Nanice replied.
Dear Rod,
Yes, of course, please add the article to your website.
with love & grace,

Now you may go to read about EMOTIONAL SELF ABUSE
Last Updated on Saturday, 02 September 2017 18:35

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